Friday, October 2, 2015

The Peregrination Has Concluded

I suppose that is what I have always been doing... imagining a place I can go to escape this reality. Defined by such meaningless interaction, I wanted desperately to find a way out of it. And then, there it was... such a simple sign of hope.

I had no plan... not even an idea of where I was heading. No intentions of realizing an end to this journey. All I yearned for was a destiny...just a purpose to my name. My ambition took ahold of me. It caused me to leave the world I once called home. The comfort and security that once had me trapped. From that, I was set free. But eventually my journey changed and became less about my own purpose and more about wrapping my head around these new circumstances. I was humbled by scale...

We humans perceive ourselves with such dominance over this earth. Such things make me seem so insignificant. Out here, time is irrelevant. I can finally live in the present. Everything in nature I saw would never be that way again. It is always changing. Each moment is as unique as the next. It made me think that we should be as intentional as nature itself. In all those revelations, my old self faded away. The end of myself began.

Along the way you begin to forget people. Your memory of them grows silent. The pain, the depression, the anxiety... that is what I remember.

This entire journey I stood in the light. At times, I think I was so vulnerable and exposed. But honestly, it is in the darkest and most isolated places that I am haunted the most. I would never have wandered off into the darkness. But then, how did I end up in this place? I felt like there was nothing for me here. So barren...yet, so strangely familiar. What I had brought along with me for simple reassurance, carried me all the way to the end. But this end, was just the beginning.

I had never seen nor experienced anything like this. It transcended all the brokenness. I could actually see it. This was real. It was here with me. I would have never imagined such a creation... and yet, there it stood before me. But whatever was at work here, it was not finished.

I needed to understand it... to make sense of it. I studied and I searched. But I simply could not get around it. I had more questions than answers. I was burdened by every growing detail. I could not deny it when I did not understand... when I could not find an answer. I had to ask myself, was this the end of the road?

All it took was a step of faith. I expected such complexity. Simply a reason for my existence. Even if I did not find what I was expecting, I knew then what I should have been looking for all along. The entire time I was in denial of the truth... and in some way, we all are. The human connection that we all share is not based upon something that we can comprehend nor understand... but we need it. I need it. There are all these things that I replaced it with, out of my own selfish ways. They all ultimately meant nothing.

That is why I had to come back. I had to share this.
It was you. It was you this whole time.