I notice happiness depends
on if we share it with each other.
So when this craziness is through,
I'll spend my happiness with you: hopefully not standing in the shadow of what you were waiting for....
You seem too good. Too good to be true.
You're holding me stronger; stronger than I'm used to.
|A Promise is never broken|
You seem too good, too good to be true.I cannot keep my path, when I cannot stay motivated.
I'm loving you longer, longer than I'm used to.
I let go. I fell in.
Feel the pull. Call your name.
I'm alone. Once again.
Zofran (ondansetron) blocks the actions of chemicals in the body that can trigger nausea and vomiting, typically in patients undergoing chemotherapy. I have had and continue to have the pleasure of taking this medication during my various medical procedures and undertakings. Ironically, one of Zofran's more pronounced side effects is its unique ability to trigger headaches. Since I have been a long term migraine and headache patient, I find this amusing. I have been on a cocktail of various pharmaceuticals for the last ten years or so with my fair share of interesting side effects. But more to the point, I was prescribed Zofran after chemotherapy medications to prevent or as an abortive medication for nausea and vomiting. Alas, it worked! However, the headache that followed was awful. Insert the conundrum:Mixed within the various pharmaceutical cocktails that I have been taking over the last decade, there have been many powerful opioid painkillers prescribed to offset the chronic pain I was suffering and to offset the pain from various in and outpatient procedures. Now, since I was opioid naive, I did not tolerate these medications well at all. The opioid medications prescribed to relieve the pain I was in were now producing unwelcome and sudden nausea and vomiting. However, they provided much-needed pain relief and quality of life. My physician's solution? Increase the dosage of Zofran to offset the nausea and vomiting caused by the opioid painkillers. Seems fair right? Well, I obliged and increased the dosage and of the medication and as a corollary, the frequency and intensity of my headaches increased. I didn't see the big picture at first, so I simply increased my opioid medication to offset the headaches which then increased the nausea which increased the usage of Zofran. Such a wonderful cycle I had started.
|Alphonse Gabriel "Al" Capone|
According to Massachusetts law, pharmacists must dispense a less expensive, reasonably available, interchangeable drug product provided that (a) the drug product is listed in the Massachusetts List of Interchangeable Drugs (MLID) and (b) the prescriber has not indicated "no substitution". A pharmacist shall interchange accordingly when dispensing a new prescription or a prescription refill presented after the effective date of interchangeability.
I was looking out of my window today, watching the trees and the grass sway in the wind, and it hit me: it has been a little over a decade since I tried to kill myself.
Even after I tried to kill myself, for several years after that I was still miserable and depressed and thought about ending it all, all the time. But something strange happened, something I didn't think would happen.
Time went on, and all of a sudden, I was happy. Not just happy as a momentary feeling, nothing the result of instant gratification. I'm talking about happiness as a state of mind. I wake up most days, and I'm honestly thrilled to be alive. I look in the mirror and I can tell myself that everything is OK. Before when I did told myself that, deep down inside I knew it was a lie, and that perhaps nothing could be further from the truth. Nothing was alright. And as I sit here and type this, and I get all choked up and tears creep into my eyes, I know deep down inside that everything is alright. I am no longer lying to myself, it really happened. I never thought I could live this life. The happy, simple life.
And I just wish I could go out into the world and find all the people like me. The black sheep, the outcasts, the lonely. I wish I could hug each and every one of them, hold them in my arms, tell them that everything is going to be alright. Tell them that all you have to do is survive, just keep going, no matter how much it hurts. One day it will stop hurting. You just have to hold on. But I can't. This is the best I can do.
I know that horrible, black, endless abyss inside. I've been there, I've been so lost there. I used to live there. I remember looking around in the darkness and asking, praying, begging for things to change. It seemed like time would stand still and the pain would last forever. That I would never get out.
But time goes on and will keep going on. And one day things will change, and one day you'll be looking out of a window, amazed at how fast time really does go by. And you will be happy.
Please, don't do it. Please, just hold on.
What does this mean for me, you might be asking? It means that it is very important to file your tax returns even when you cannot pay the taxes that are due while you are contemplating bankruptcy! Otherwise, you may be stuck with paying the taxes as the amounts due might be ineligible for discharge via bankruptcy court...
|The Get Smart Shoe Phone|
|Chris Britt & Farnsworth on Lake Willoughby, VT July 2012|
|Titans & Giants - Dante's Divine Comedy.|
Chris, you are a very smart and brilliant guy. There is nothing you cannot do. We need to find something to motivate you in the right direction. Some awful things have happened to you, but you have survived and are hopefully wiser for it. But you have to understand people's perception of you now. You used to be able to operate in the 'gray' successfully with no ramifications. Now, you simply can't do that or bend the rules as you may find yourself subject to the same troubles time and time again. You will always be under scrutiny now: Black or white...your choice; no gray my friend. That's just how it is...I may still continue to struggle along the way but I am waking up and changing and fixing my life while picking up the pieces. I am human after all, right? I owe that to her and I owe that to myself. I know without her, my life would be a lot less meaningful. I'll write more about that and her later. She may never know how I truly feel for her, even though I have tried time and time again to tell her...but I fumble with the words and emotions. I am "misunderstood" by her family, at least that's what her father said. I hope they see how truly and deeply I care for her some day. I would give anything for her and would pay the ultimate price and lay down my life for her if the opportunity arose. There is nothing I would not do for her to keep her safe, happy, and loved. That is what I also realized on that day in July. I may still struggle with relationships, given what I have been through in the past, but I know that she always stuck by me through the darkest hours of my life. I made two promises to her mother: one was to do the same and do my best to always do right by her. The other I won't share now. Those that know me know that I never break a promise nor make a promise that I know I cannot keep. I am a work in progress and change will not be overnight. I am trying to be realistic but I have made progress thus far that she would be proud of and that my family would be proud of...but I feel I have pushed her away. More to follow....
|How Banks Changed Prices In The Last 10 Years...|
|Michael Ramirez / Creators Syndicate 2012|
|Chris Britt Vermont Summer 2012|
|Chris Britt & Farnsworth in Vermont - Summer 2012|
|Chris Britt & Kerri Doherty - Bali, Indonesia|
|Chris Britt Foundation Inc. Logo|
|Chris Britt (L) & Jon Maneri (R) at Jerry Remy's|