Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Just Like The Movies

Rollins College 1925
Hamilton Holt August 1872 - April 1951
 I have always been so sure about everything in my life. I was so sure about my job and career, sure that I would be married by my late twenties or at least 30, sure I would make a third million by 30, have a Centurion Card, sure I would live in an amazing loft, sure I would always have a BMW or Land Rover, sure I would spend my free or vacation time in a home I owned in Oberoi, and sure I would always have a group of close friends and family. I was so sure... and so naive*. But relationships... I always heard from many and was told by a few close friends and family, that they were easy when they were "right"... That even when things became difficult -- if not impossible, they were still easy. I just don't understand.... how did they know this to be a truth? It has hardly ever been easy for me, in that regard. So does that mean every relationship I had was "wrong" or not the "right" on before? Does that mean my current relationship is wrong simply because it is not easy? I always thought that if something was easy, was it really worthwhile? I believe it was Hamilton Holt who is frequently quoted to that effect...

Relationships, of any kind, unfortunately just do not work they way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally DO and they are happy forever -- give me a break, seriously. Nine out of ten of these folks breakup because they were not right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that do proceed and get married will get divorced (follow the link, interesting statistics), anyway. And I am tell you, right here -- right now: through it all, and I mean everything (the hopelessness, the depression, the anxiety, the loneliness and despair) I have not become a cynic... I haven't.

A paper umbrella will turn any drink into a party beverage
Use your umbrella wisely, in Bali.
Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies, flowers, Hallmark cards, and in some cultures by taking one of those small umbrellas the bartender puts in your tropical island rum beverage into your girlfriend's/boyfriend's tropical island beverage as a sign of affection or love. You may call me a sucker, a sap, or a looser...because I do. I do believe in it it. Bottom line is this: the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same shit as everybody else does... but the big DIFFERENCE is, they do not let it envelop them like quicksand and suck them down... One of the two people in the relationship will stand up and FIGHT...fight for their partner, themselves, their relationship, and their love EVERY--SINGLE--TIME...if  it's right... and those people are really truly lucky. One of them will say something...

*I was so naive. I had many of those things above as I was "sure" of them...Sure of my success. Sure I was destined to have them... Sure I was supposed to maintain a lifestyle and image... and I was "sure" about many things that later disappeared from my life and I was "sure" or "certain" ("loyal" may be a better word than certain) of many people in my life... but when those aforementioned things started to disappear from my life, so did those people. I've never truly dealt with my abandonment issues... it's just another emotion and/or trauma compiled, filed, cataloged, stored, and ultimately suppressed deep down into the dark and dingy recesses in the cellar or subbasement of my soul.

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