Friday, August 31, 2012

I never thought...

 Does it break my heart? Of course...every moment of every day: into more pieces than my heart was made of. I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent. I never thought about things at all. Everything changed. The distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world. It wasn't the bombs and burning buildings: it was me. My thinking: the cancer of never letting go. Is ignorance bliss? I thought so...but I don't know anymore. It's so painful to think...and honestly tell me, what did thinking ever do for me? To what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think. I have thought myself right out of happiness at least a million times, but never once into it. I have thought myself right out of my life into someone...something else. And now that I have fought that long journey to "wakeup" and find my way home, I must patiently wait at the front door and hope that I am invited I lost my key a long time ago.

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